Six Months On ...

So finally I have the net here in The Uncivilised World. Fina-freaking-ly.

The past six months, since I was thrust into motherhood with only a few hours notice, have flown. Seriously. If you want time to fly, have a baby. Somehow, my itty bitty baby who'd been hiding out in my belly has gone from a scrawny [I can call her that, I'm her mother] spindly-limbed 2kg wee one, to a chubbafied cheeky, chunky-thighed [almost] 6kg to a not-so wee one.

Since my life as a mother began, I have felt emotions so intense they hurt. The love I feel Penny overwhelms me. Her smile can break my sadness quicker than you can say "Cheer up". The sadness I feel that I have no-one to share the highs and lows of parenthood with, no-one to lay in bed with at night, exhausted but wanting to talk about how beautiful my baby is and what we got up to that day. That sadness pains me. Literally. I actually ache. The happiness of knowing that I created that baby, and I've solo-parented her for the last six months and she is a happy and healthy girl. The pride I've gained in knowing that I have this amazing strength. The fear that this little life is in my hands. 

I wouldn't change any of it for the world. Well, maybe the sadness because isolation sucks [to put it bluntly]. If you'd told me seven months ago that my life would soon change, in a way I could never imagine, I certainly wouldn't have thought that you were suggesting I'd soon become a mum and experience life in a whole different light. I would've laughed and said "Sure. Whatever." and continued on my merry way. Or I would've thought that maybe you were suggesting I'd soon meet the man of my dreams, he'd sweep me off my feet, and  we'd go riding off into the sunset. Prince Charming or Instant Motherhood? Neither seemed like they'd be happening in a hurry! Especially not the latter, but no, this cheeky little baby of mine had been in her bunker and was ready to face the world. 

Now that I am a mumma, I can't imagine life without my Penny. She's the luckiest Penny I'll ever find. 

x