Surviving the First Year

In eight days, my little PNut will be one. She will move from babyhood, to toddlerdom. I'm scared, amazed, proud and in shock.

This time a year ago, I was blissfully unaware of what would happen in the very near future. I was going to work each day, going through the motions, experiencing a lot of tiredness, and happy with who I was and where I was.

This time a year ago, becoming a mother was definitely not on my radar. I was in a 'I wonder if I'll ever have kids' phase. I was accepting of my singledom, and ready to really enjoy life as Gemma.

Then things changed. Dramatically. 51 weeks ago today, I unexpectedly gave birth to an amazing little human who has changed my life in the most amazing way. She has grounded me, taught me to love as I've never loved before, made me appreciate life, and taught me to appreciate and be proud of myself.

Honestly, I find it hard to believe that I've gotten this far without giving up. I have come so darn close to it at times, but I push through it. My darling daughter reminds me that I can and will get through it, no matter how low I get, and no matter how hard it is to claw myself back out. 

It has been a blur of a year, I can barely remember 2010, but damn I'm proud of myself for getting through it, despite those low points.

I get a bit teary when I see my little girl asleep in her cot and realise she is becoming just that: a little girl {I'm tearing up as I type this!}. My teensy little baby who seemed so fragile and breakable, is now becoming a rambunctious, cheeky, independent little girl with a fabulous, bubbly personality. 

She takes everything in her stride. Sickness, time away from mum, meeting new people. She's amazing.

At the risk of sounding conceited, she's that way because of me. I am the person who she has seen every single day of her life. Who has nurtured her, fed her, changed her, bathed her, taught her, gotten frustrated with her, loved her, and adored her. So surely I've played some part in her developing into the gorgeous person that she is becoming.

I'm damn proud of myself for surviving the first year. I'm proud that I've ridden the rollercoaster, despite the temptation to bail at times. I'm proud that through all those down times, I've pushed and somehow found it within myself to 'JFDI'. There have been times when getting out of bed seemed like a massive struggle. When changing a nappy, or giving her a bottle seemed like far too much effort. Yes, even those small tasks were so bloody hard at times.

Mostly, I'm proud of my daughter. I'm proud of her for being an absolutely adorable little girl who has a beautiful beaming grin that can light up anyone's day. 

So in 8 days time, as I wish my baby a happy birthday, and welcome her into the world of toddlerdom, I'll give us both a pat on the back for surviving the first year and heading into the second with smiles on our faces.

x